With the advent of the “Painter of light” came the realization that marketing and art CAN work together to create a happier and wealthier existence for the aggrandizing artist. I hadn’t thought that much about it of late but today while flipping through the current issue of American Art Collector I stumbled across this little gem of a tag line, “The latest cubist master”. What the hell does that mean? How does the artist know that he is the most very recent cubist master incarnation? Surely a newer one has cropped up in the amount of time it took to put that issue to bed… and who bestowed the title of master on him anyway? The Royal Academy perhaps? Doubtful. So this got my little wandering brain to thinking about some alternative tag lines that are maybe a little more honest than some of the ones I’ve been seeing. Feel free to add to the list. You have to sort of envision these after an artists name in an ad for the full effect. Maybe in a nice italic script font.
The painter of lite
Contemporary cafe painter
An American Smarmist
The greatest neo-fauvist surrealist in my zip code.
Copying someone else since 1994
Best Western Artist
Because art should never be scary.
The Faux Nostalgist
Unjustifiably expensive.
Because a real job is out of the question
Trained in the east to paint the west.
My spouse has a trust fund.
Who doesn’t like a naked woman?
Trompe L’Acquereur
Mysteriously able to afford full page ads.
Another contemporary mannerist
I’m in this magazine so I must be good.
Bringing new life to old ideas.
So incredible you must look away.
Abstract means never having to say you’re sorry.
I know everyone else has painted this but it’s my turn now.
I paint nudes because I can.
Just when you think you can’t look at another landscape….
God’s visual ambassador.
There is nothing, and I mean nothing, greater to me than humor and you’ve got lots of it. Thanks for making yet another one of my days. Love your blog!
Why thank you Barbara. Nobody likes a good laugh more than me. I’ll put more of these up as they come to me… my years in advertising are finally paying off.
My sides hurt! These are Classic Moore! Here are a few additionals as proof that I shouldn’t get up so early.
Master of the Mundane.
Twice voted Best Backyard Artist of the Century.
Majestic Mixer of Mud.
Never Understated, Always Overrated.
Seven-time winner of the Artist With Attitude Award.
A nearsighted landscapeist to be viewed from afar.
Maven of Affectation.
Simply Incomprehensible!
Painter of mimes and bikini hot dog girls.
Artist for All Ages.
The Ultimate Impressionist.
Impressionistically Realistic.
The most coloristicly challenged colorist of our time.
He paints because he can, not because he must.
Best Ever, Period!
You wish you were me, but you’re Not.
The Whistling Artist.
now that’s what i’m talking about john. Love the affectation maven.. it’s got rhythm. Master of the Mundane! rocks.
“You wish you were me, but you’re not” is pretty darn funny as well… nicely done john.
By “Best Western artist” you’re referring to motel art, right?
I paint so you don’t have to
Will paint for food
Bandwagon Painter
Self taught Master
Workshop Wanderer
Produce Producer
Copies Copiously
Award Seeker
Legacy Letdown
I can paint anything better than you
OK- I enjoyed your post and others’ comments. Now, back to painting.
Yes. Best Western… play on words. hotel and western art. but i thought the hotel art ref was funny.
Will paint for food priceless
Fabulous post, Larry. I’m so relieved somebody else is thinking the same commentaries I am as I flip through these magazines, makes me feel a little less catty.
I’ve long felt the word “Master” has been overused to the point of being a meaningless imagined status now. Almost (though not all) all artists who fit that category in my mind are dead.
Thanks for the laughs!
yeah i don’t think one gets to call oneself “master”. that’s left for the people who know and usually long after the individual is dead.
LOVE IT 😀
One of my favorites:
Chaser of Light.
Unreal! Larry…you are the funniest man alive! You are!
PS: May I please use “So incerdible you must look away”? for my blog title?
Just rent it to me …for awhile at least?
i think that’d be a great title for a blog. these are all royalty free. use away.
Terrific post Larry. My favorite is “Copying someone else since 1994”, there are so many doing that.
Love it!! Made my evening!!
Hilarious post Larry. I love the ™ (TM) mark after the “The Painter of Light™. I always like to deflate the ego and debunk the expectations a little when people inquire about one’s standing in the art world. “How should we address you?” My stock answer is MISTER SMOCK AND BERET™© of course.
One of my favorite comics is one by B. Kliban. It shows cops escorting an artist in a smock and beret down a city street, clubbing people out of the way, and one of the cops is saying, “Step aside, an artist is coming through!” Then again, Kliban did a another cartoon that show’s an artist in a smock and beret at his easel on the street, same city, and a car load of hoods driving by with a pimply bare moon being shot at the artist. Caption: “Hey Ottist! Paint dis!”
I need to go work on my giant 3 foot in diameter beret now. I am adding another string of blinky lights to it.
Of course the TM…. How could I forget this? Maybe there should be a t-shirt that we can all wear with a big TM on it and which would prevent anyone from copying us.
Done.
Great post! 🙂 Here are a few additions. HA!
Mutually Mudane
Crafting the Artistic Gimmick and Selling at Flea Markets
Pointless Tiny Brushstrokes
There’s a Reason No One Else Paints Like This
Taking Cute and Cheesy to a New Level
Paying Membership Fees to Have Letters After My Name
Dont forget the “Novorealists”!
Hilarious. My friend, Brian Busch and I have been discussing the Novorealists for quite some time. Is the naming good or bad? What’s their intent with it? It was the first thing I thought of while reading this post. Tim beat me to it, but, I’m glad it got mentioned in here. Kudos.
All I know is that it’s also found in novocain.
there’s also the Huevos Realists, I think they’re an egg tempera group.
Larry, Would love to hear what comes out with a couple glasses of wine! Thanks for the laughs I feel we have all thought saying some of these. Now back to reality and painting.
One thing I’ve learned about funny is that timing is really important. I tend to flub stuff when I have had a few. I’m actually the good kind of drunk that slowly gets more and more quiet then goes and sits in the corner.
Great! So funny because it has a grain of truth. Actually a whole sandbox of truth. Tears of laughter as I read the list.
Huevos Realists is the best, I will also add
“Painter of farm girls from another era”
Genrecide
Larry you are awesome. And I have seen you with a few glasses of wine. You are just as funny.
oh you’re just saying that because you were tipsy too.
Don’t forget the “Hyper Lacto Impressionists”.
They paint in casein. ……………………………….
LOL hilarious!! My sides are splitting from reading your list!!
I’ll just be a “Suckest”. And, of course, if I get anyone to join my new movement, we’ll be “Suckests”.
oooh plural… nice touch.
Although, what if we were jerks. Would we be “the dick suckests”? That may be inappropriate and really not very flattering. And if we made it big we would be . . . . . .
Inappropriate? I can’t see how… though perhaps you could consider a more euphemistic direction, like The Knob Swallow Gang or maybe the Gum a Root School… I dunno, it’ll take some thought.
Painter of Blight – edgy urban scenes
Painter of Nite- for all those nocturnists out there
Painter of Might – those workshop students who always say they’re going to paint but never get around to it
But my fav is one my 82-year-old mom came up with a few years ago when she saw a Kinkade painting for the first time: she took one look at it and said, “He’s not the Painter of Light, he’s the Painter of SHITE!”
Just found this post — HYSTERICAL! My favorite is An American Smarmist. We all need to keep a sense of humor in this business for sure.